


Epiphany

by RonnieSilverlake



Series: Liquefied Love [9]
Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Drowning, Fear, M/M, Tumblr: makoharufestival, losing hope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-22
Updated: 2014-01-22
Packaged: 2018-01-09 16:50:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1148473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RonnieSilverlake/pseuds/RonnieSilverlake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He takes a deep breath, and somewhere in a hole of time between two seconds passing, at a place where time itself doesn't even have a meaning, for the first time, he realizes the full extent of what it's like for Makoto, to be <i>truly</i> scared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Epiphany

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [MakoHaru Festival](http://makoharufestival.tumblr.com) on tumblr.  
> Day 9  
> Prompt: Losing Hope

Some time later, when Haruka recalls the events of that night, he finds it impossible to believe that everything really happened in a mere  _five seconds_. It felt so impossibly long, a lifetime, or rather, two - their lives,  _both_ of theirs, even though it was only Makoto's that was ever endangered - still, Haruka has a hard time imagining having any sort of life that doesn't have his best friend in it.

**i.**

The tent is empty, and even though Nagisa is blabbering behind Haruka's back about restrooms and rain, all he can really hear is the sound of his own heartbeat drumming against the inside of his ears, as he knows, instantly, instinctively, that something is terribly wrong.

When he spots the two of them between the raging waves of the ocean, his fear coming true, he feels as if he is leaving a part of himself behind - the part that is horror-stricken, the part that simply  _cannot believe_ that Makoto was foolish enough to do this, to wage war against his biggest fear on his own, without Haruka by his side. He leaves that part behind, because he simply doesn't have the luxury to be dumbstruck, when his teammates are close to drowning.

Haruka is notorious for how quickly he can throw his clothes off, but this time, he doesn't even think of that - every  **tenth** of a second counts.

Makoto doesn't seem to be conscious by the time Haruka reaches him, and he feels unusually heavy as the shorter one wraps an arm around his chest, beginning to propel them towards the nearest shore he can spot. He will probably feel a  _little bit_ guilty about it later, but, for now, he doesn't even spare a glance back to see whether Nagisa got Rei safely or not, and it is  **not** because he trusts Nagisa - he is simply unable to spare a thought to anyone except Makoto.

**ii.**

Any and all thoughts of how much he loves the ocean have completely evaporated into nothingness. Haruka hates the ocean right now, with a fierce, burning passion, for no matter how precious it might be, it is trying to take something even more precious from Haruka, and that is simply unforgivable.

Somewhere, he realizes it's simply stupid to make such comparisons, but all he can think about, his mind getting more and more hazy as he swims, Makoto's body feeling like dead weight in his arms, is how Makoto has never tried to take the sea away from him, despite the fact that he was scared.

Nobody should ever take Makoto away.

**iii.**

_No, don't even think like this. He'll be fine. He has to be fine._

**iv.**

Which shore they are on, Haruka hasn't the slightest clue, but he can't be bothered to care, anyway. His extremities can barely move, the water was so cold, and for a couple of endless-seeming seconds, he lays facedown on the sand, trying to catch his breath. He thinks he must have hit his shoulder on a rock, because it's sore and a bit purple, and he even ended up losing his shirt somehow, although he can't remember when and where. (Was he wearing it when he ran into the water? Had he discarded it on the beach? ... Who cares.) His fingers are numb, but he can feel Makoto's in between them, and that's what finally brings him to his senses enough to kneel up.

Makoto's eyes are closed, and so is his mouth. He looks pale as whitewash; the colour looks so odd on him that Haruka almost doesn't believe he is seeing his best friend. His clammy, cold fingers press against the unmoving boy's chest - there's a heartbeat, thank God, although he has to listen for quite a few seconds to be able to separate the beat he feels under his fingertips from his own that's still pulsing wildly in his chest, making him breathless. He lowers his ear to check if Makoto is breathing, because if he is, it's desperately weak, not even enough to give a visible rise and fall to his chest.

The panic that first rose when he spotted the brunet in the water, and was then pushed aside, seems to finally rise. Haruka was never one to scare easily, but right at this moment, it feels as if the world itself is toppling upside down, the air being sucked out of it, leaving vacuum behind, and the azure blue of his eyes (that now look more gray than blue, what with this weather, and this discoloured night) are covered with a thin film of moisture, thin enough to still see through, but existent, and the world that has less and less meaning each passing second, seems to melt into a blur.

Haruka doesn't even dare think of the dreaded word - all he knows is that it feels as if his own world is the one that's ending, and the feel of it leaves him painfully useless, numb, incapable of moving a muscle, of even taking another breath.

_Breathe..._

There is one split second, where his mind is stunningly clear, even with the panic, and he realizes he still has a key in his frozen hands; that if anyone, he is the only person who can still do something. He reaches for Makoto's mouth, his heart hammering against his ribcage so powerfully that it's physical pain, but he doesn't care about his own pain right now, he cannot allow himself to care about anything else other than Makoto, because what if even this won't be enough, what if Makoto-... what if.

He takes a deep breath, and somewhere in a hole of time between two seconds passing, at a place where time itself doesn't even have a meaning, for the first time, he realizes the full extent of what it's like for Makoto, to be  _truly_ scared.

**v.**

He is less than a fragment of a moment away from pressing his mouth to Makoto's, when the brunet begins coughing. Haruka leans away, bites the inside of his cheek, hard, and while his best friend rolls onto his side and throws up salty seawater, he feels his chest expand with an altogether unfamiliar sensation, and he allows his tears to roll.

In the torrenting rain, nobody will be able to tell anyways.

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism is always appreciated. If you liked it, please like/reblog the [original post](http://makoharufestival.tumblr.com/post/74260692876/challenge-losing-hope-user-streganicha-rating)!


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